How to get Sherlock and John to Date
by DoctorMerliena-WestwoodIsCool
Summary: A Guide by Molly Hooper. Thank you for purchasing this guide, brought to you by MoffatTroll TM. This guide will teach you the basics and all opinions are that of the author. WARNING This guide only applies to Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. Please use at your own risk. Any emotions felt are the readers responsibility Pairing: Johnlock
1. Prologue

**How to get Sherlock and John to date; a guide by Molly Hooper**

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_Prol__ogue._

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I'm not sure why I ever fell for a socciopathic "freak" like Sherlock. That sums me up I guess. I'm still a big teenage girl inside...falling for the wrong people. It's not as though I'd ever want to be in a relationship with Sherlock, he wouldn't be the best at feelings and boyfriend...stuff. Or for that matter, hetrosexual stuff, as I'm almost certain he's gay. Most people would say he's asexual and all that, but they obviously haven't seen him next to John Watson. John probably doesn't even realise it, and Sherlock himself most likely doesn't. But I can see it. I'm not an expert or anything, my relationships limit to a couple of guys in high school and a murderous, insane, Sherlock obsessed, (also suspected as gay) guy called Jim. But I've seen the looks Sherlock gives John. I've known him for five years and he's never looked at anyone in that way. They're probably not even looks Sherlock is aware of giving.

I'm not jealous. I'm sad, yes, but I don't mind. I would never have been happy with Sherlock. When you have a crush on someone your mind blots out any negative feature in looks and personality about that person. You get blinded by thoughts of a possible relationship, and buried in hopes that they might like you back. You almost forget what they are like. You build up an entire fantasy creation of them in your mind that suits you, which hardly ever turn out to be true.

So no, I'm not jealous.

I'm angry.

Because they're not a couple yet. And they deserve to be. They deserve each other and John deserves to see those looks Sherlock gives him. And I, Molly Hooper, am going to try my hardest to get them together. Because then I can finally let Sherlock go, knowing he is happy. And that's all I want in real life. Not in the fantasy I created of him. I believe this is the one thing I might be able to do.

I've devised a plan. It's simple, I just have to follow the steps and hope for the best.

+ Number One. I will arrange a date that will be so romantic even a straight guy would turn gay. Well no, I'm lying slightly. I won't be the one to make it THAT romantic, they will. And it won't be as mainstream as a usual dinner date and all that. It will be totally Sherlocky (without the zero emotions and tolerance for idiots).  
+ number two. I will send in the alcohol and get the pair completely drunk (note. not so drunk that they end up throwing it up or blacking out)  
+ number three. This is more the two lovebirds turn. They will be spewing out sober truths with their drunk mouths and hopefully will say something about them being completely gay for each other. This will, hopefully, be remembered for the morning when they can talk about it properly.  
+ failing step three, I will snatch Sherlock's phone...somehow...and text John some very...suggestive texts, pretending to be Sherlock. John will either kiss him or punch him. Hopefully the kissing part.

You see! My plan can't possible fail! I should be a full time Sherlock Holmes, if I say so myself. Now I just need to sort out the whole date situation. This will be tricky, as it will be hard to convince Sherlock to go somewhere. I will stay out of the picture, if course. He might twig something if I invite him somewhere...so it will all have to be done anonymously.

You may be wondering why I'm doing all this aside from my ever unlucky love for Sherlock. Why I shouldn't just leave the two alone? Well, it's painful to be around those two, if I'm honest. You could cut the sexual tension between their gazes with a very homosexual knife and uncover layers of rainbows. I can't stand it much longer and neither can many others. Plus I want Sherlock to be happy, as I said. I believe John will make him happy.

Besides, I always have my many cats to live with for the rest of my life. Cats understand me. They're fluffy and cute and lovely and adorable! They'd never say a bad word about anyone, except for those who insult their owner. A loud hiss and a scratch sorts those out. They stay with you if you treat them right and are there to snuggle away the tears. Best partners in the world.  
Perhaps John can be Sherlock's cat!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ End of prologue. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**_A.N. I don't have a cat, so if that last cat ramble was untrue I apolgise...having no pets is hard sometimes! And if this was very unMollyish...um...oops. So new story! I'm not sure what made me think of it. I wanted Molly to have a big part in a fic without the whole Sholly ship I think it's called. I don't think they'd make a good couple, Molly deserves a very sweet guy who loves her very much and idk Sherlock only has eyes for John in my mind. But if Johnlock is going to happen I want Molly to have some part in it! Whooo! I also want to write about Molly because apparently I look very much like her (starting to see it now... I have to do a double take for some photos of her its creepy ) though she gets a lot more pretty aspects than me :c_**

_**It won't be completely in Molly pov because she wont be able to be in the date and all that so it will alternate between John, Sherlock and Molly, if that's alright!**_  
_**Anyway I shall leave this here and hope that many reviews will be given in return. PLEASE?! YOU GET A FREE INTERNET CAT!**_  
_**Merliena :)**_  
_**Ps: sorry for any mistakes...my phone has no spellcheck so I'm using my eyes! Shock! Oh and sorry if I'm really bad at the humour...I normally write serious with a little banter and stuff, and have a weird sense of humour so if it's not funny you can just read it with a bored face I don't mind**_


	2. How to Set Up the Date

**How to get John and Sherlock to Date; a Guide by Molly Hooper**

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**A/n: Hello there all you lovely readers! I was really pleased with the response to this fic, not many reviews but I'm hoping more are on there way! Thanks to: arelando, Kohaku The Otaku, bbybyrd and Old Ping Hai for your reviews here is your free internet cat: =^.^= (worth it)**  
**and thanks for all the favourites and follows, they really mean alot! Now on with the chapter. With the prologue done and dusted, I thought I'd make this more guidish if you get what I mean as I thought it'd be quite fun to do the whole guide layout!**

**NOTE: all examples are written in Molly's point of view, if otherwise I will note it at the top of the example :)**

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_**Chapter One **_

_**Setting up the Date**_

This chapter will explain how to set up a date in which Sherlock and John will be attending. Please remember that this date will only work for the Sherlock and John species. If it works on anyone else, consult a Doctor immediately about these people.

**You Will Need:**  
+ Two very gay flatmates (one of which shouts I'm not gay to abandoned warehouses, another of which who is half human, half "I'm going to pretend I'm asexual so my flatmate doesn't know I like him.")  
+ A candle. It makes it more romantic.  
+ London. You don't need all of this to be succesful, but to make the Sherlock and John comfortable it's wiser for it all to be there.  
+ A cinema. Make sure a good, romantic film is showing at the time of the date, and purchase tickets beforehand.  
+ Any extras which you think will be suitable.  
+ A pretty woman. Don't worry, she won't be part of the actual date.

_**Note:** To achieve the best results all points are required._

For easy use, the method will include examples. Please note that this date can only be performed once on a Sherlock and John, overuse may result in failure.

**Step One: Getting John to the cinema.**

This won't be hard. The John Watson species has been straight all his life (he's only gay for Sherlock), so a pretty woman (as mentioned) asking him out on a date and giving him one of the cinema tickets to the film you've booked will be successful.

**Example:**

_John isn't a Sherlock Holmes. He can't deduce the exact brand of cleaning liquid someone uses from the hairs on their chin, so a woman asking him out on a half fake date isn't difficult. Luckily for me, one of my friends is the type of woman John would date. She's blonde, slim and dresses in skirts and nice tops. She's not rich but she's nice. But that doesn't matter, John wont be dating her. He thinks he will, of course._

_So I asked my friend, Mary, if she would do this one small thing for me and she giggled and said yes. We were best friends in school and used to get up to all sorts of trouble...though she did most of the trouble. So anyway, that day as Sherlock was busy studying the nose hairs of a corpse (I must say it's not the worst that I've seen him study) I quickly grabbed his coat hanging on the coat peg and hid it. Sherlock was in the other room and there were no windows, so unless he has 'see through walls' vision, he couldn't have seen me._  
_I don't know how he managed it, but he did actually leave without his coat. The amazing Sherlock Holmes did actually forget his coat. It made me a little suspicious, but anyhow. As I predicted, John came down a hour later, asking me if I had see the mysterious disappearing coat. Of course Sherlock got him to do the dirty work. Saying yes, I guided him through to the cupboard where I had stuffed it, when Mary floated into the room. She pretended not to know who John was. "Hey Molly! Oh...whose your friend?" She asked, lowering her voice into a seductive fashion that made me want to laugh._  
_"Oh, Mary! Hi!" I said, John looked up and smiled at her warmly, "This is John Watson."_  
_"Your boyfriend?"_  
_I snorted, "No, just someone whose a good friend of Sherlock."_  
_"Oh..I see..."_  
_"John this is my friend, Mary Morstan"_  
_I left them talking and after fifteen minutes, John emerged from the room clutching a cinema ticket in one hand and Sherlock's coat in another. I grinned. Result._

**Step Two. Getting Sherlock to the cinema.**

This will be difficult. This species of Sherlock can deduce what a person is thinking just by glancing at them, so giving the ticket personally is not an option. A crafty letter through the letterbox (whilst John is at work) containing the ticket and a pretend case, should convince the Sherlock. Make the case interesting, three suicides and then a note is a case that gets the Christmas lights working.

**Example.**

_Sherlock_ is_ a Sherlock Holmes. He _can_ deduce the type if cleaning liquid someone uses from the hairs on their chin. So this required a little more thought. Knowing how much he fangirls over new and exciting cases, I enclosed the ticket in an envelope alongside a note reading:_

_Dear Mr Sherlock Holmes,_

_Please please please can you help? My name is Mary Sutherland. My fiancée, Harry Angel, has recently disappeared. I met him at a party a while ago whilst my stepdad was in France for business. You see, my real dad died sometime ago and my mum remarried a much younger man whose only about five years older than me. He hates me to socialness, but I disobeyed him. As soon as I met Harry, we both fell in love quite quickly. He proposed to me and after my stepdad went away for another business trip, we arranged a wedding date. He invited me to the movies a couple of months ago. I haven't seen him since. I have enclosed a cinema ticket where he went missing. I will meet you there if you are willing to take the case and give more details. I can pay you if need be, I get a lot if money from my computer business. So please help me, Mr Holmes! I've heard you're one of the best!_  
_Yours sincerely,_  
_Mary Sutherland._

_Seems realistic enough, right? Well let's just hope Sherlock thinks so...I called him up, pretending to need him to come to the morgue the next day, and he refused saying he had a case to attend to, involving a girl called Mary Sutherland._

_Success!_

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**A/n: success indeed, I was quite proud of this. Writing into the night means the weirdest ideas, but sometimes they can be better. It also means sloppy typing, please tell me if there are any mistakes!**

**Thank you to my friend who helped me think of the date idea for the species of John and Sherlock. I doubt shes reading this but...its the thought that counts.**

**Bonus points for the people who noticed the two original Sherlock Holmes points (took me a while to modernise actually) :)**  
**reviews! Did you like the layout? Would you prefer it to all be story style or continue like this? Good enough writing? Funny enough (this will never be)? Hedgehogs? Leave a review and I will love you forever.**  
**Merliena :)**


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